The Calcagno Classic
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Reasons Your Wife Should Let You Go the Classic

July is typically the month we celebrate our Independence. It's also the month of the Calcagno Classic. With that in mind, for those of you who need permission to attend the July 27th Classic, here are a few lines you might try on your better half:

"Don't be a Commie! What could be more American than Golf, Barbeque, and Football?"

"This'll look great on our kid's application to S.I."

"Uh-hem...You know, I, uh, think I should attend. In fact, I know I should."

(Note: For added emphasis accompany this line with any combination of the following gestures:

*Spin your cap backward;

*Bug out your eyes;

*Squeeze your shoulders forward;

*Bob your head;

*Put your index finger and thumb together as you jab the air pointedly;

*Repeatedly tap the back of your spouses head, with particular emphasis given to your ring finger.)

"It's part of our direct effort to stimulate the economy."

"I gotta get these plays I designed down to the Prep!"

"It's work. I really don't want to go, but this is just how business is done with movers and shakers like these guys."

"I'm going to have Rich Blanchard and Kevin Quattrin correct Junior's AP Trigonometry homework (J.B. Murphy never covered this stuff in 'Bonehead Math')."

"It's okay to hang with those guys again; the restraining order expired a few months ago."

"If I don't show up, Coach will bench me."

"Without this kind of rigorous exercise, I can't maintain my god-like physique."

"I think Tiger Woods is going to be there; I can collect that money he owes me."

"Aaron Fausone will be there." (Use this with extreme caution; she may ask to be his caddy.)

If you have some helpful suggestions for our fellow 'Cats, please post them here.