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Onyx Nightmare

Sep 23, 07 - 9:42 PM

Why I Hate Wiccans

I found this online here:
http://lilzombie.blogspot.com/2006/07/things-zombie-hates-thursday_20.html

It states my feelings on Wicca very well

My hate for Wiccans is made of a pure, white light that shines forth from the very essence of my being.

I don't just hate Wiccans because they are irrational theists. Irrational theists bug me, but as long as they keep their irrational theism to themselves, I am generally fine. After all, there are a lot more irrational theists wandering around than there are those of us that are happily godless, and as we are one of the most hated philosophies on the planet, we must sometimes just move along and ignore the stupid lest it overtake us completely and we be washed away on a tide of idiocy and retardation.

No, I hate Wiccans because of their tendency to smug self-righteous indignation and rigorous clinginess to ridiculous ****.

You see, your average Wiccan isn't very bright. Your average Wiccan is convinced that his or her religion is ancient and that it has Been Around Since the Dawn of Time Itself. Your average Wiccan traipses around yammering about the Goddess (and any goddess will do - Kali, Hecate, Isis, Diana - doesn't matter, just pick one that you think sounds sexy and roll with it) and brandishing a hubcap-sized pentacle. Your average Wiccan was bored of Christianity and wanted to rebel against society but was too scared to try devil worship.

Your average Wiccan shrills about Merry Meet and Merry Part and Bright Blessings and White Light and other such nonsense. Bad things do not exist to the average Wiccan. The average Wiccan only does good "magic" or "magick" or "majick" or "majik" or "majgisodgsda" or however we're spelling it this week. There is no grey area. Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. Your average Wiccan thinks life is all cupcakes and sparklies. Your average Wiccan is delusional.

But while your average Wiccan clutches desperately to this shady ideal of goodness, it also is desperately in love with the dark side, be it vampires (or vampyres or whampyres or whatever other stupid ****) or Vader's version of the Force or playing an evil mage in AD&D. Your average Wiccan shops at the Hot Topic and gets its incense from the local Kroger.

Your average Wiccan is all about compassion and love for Nature and Everything In It, but will not hesitate to attack you viciously if you dare disagree with them about anything.

Your average Wiccan will also not hesitate to brand a Christian an idiot for his or her beliefs. Yes, belief in Jesus is SO ******* CRAZY as compared to your belief in several thousand gods and goddesses belonging to several hundred different cultures and pantheons, not to mention your belief in faeries, dragons, ogres, elves and talking elk or whatever. Faeries = normal and rational. Guy that may or may not have lived 2,000 years ago = REALLY ******* BIZARRE.

There are two types of Wiccans that I hate most. The first can be called several things: Fluffy Bunny, White Lighter, Everloving Retard, Waldenbooks Witch, or, my favorite, Dances With Credit Cards.

You all have seen Dances With Credit Cards. She's the one lounging about in the New Age section of Borders, wearing something suitably black and gothy, complete with Cleopatra-style eyeliner and henna-tattoo ankh. She's buying all the Silver Ravenwolf books she can carry, with Daddy’s credit card. At home, locked away in the solitude of her pink gingham bedroom (Mom and Dad won't let her paint her walls black, they are so lame and do not understand her unique individuality), she will write spells for love philtres and dark darky poetry about dark darky darkness. She hates Christianity, and all Christians are out to get her. If you poke her with a stick, or even just glance at her books casually, she will not hesitate to expostulate on the glories of Wicca, and the common misconceptions of this Goode and Ancient Crafte.

Much like one of those toys on which you pull the string so that it spits out certain phrases, Dances With Credit Cards is programmed to say certain things, such as:

"Male witches are not called warlocks!"

"Christianity stole things from us!"

"I swear to Gaia!" (Variations on this theme include, but are not limited to: "Oh my Goddess!" "Oh my Lord and Lady!" and "Oh my Gods!")

"Wicca has been around since the dawn of time!" (Variations on this theme likewise include, but are not limited to: "I am a 65th generation Wiccan." and "I learned this Ye Olde Ancient Crafte from my great-grandmother’s diary. She was burnt at the stake in the Salem Witch Trials, for being a real witch. It’s genetic, you see.")

"Who in Summerland is Gerald Gardner?"

Onyx Nightmare

Sep 23rd, 2007 - 9:44 PM

Re: Why I Hate Wiccans PART 2

"REMEMBER THE BURNING TIMES!"

I want to have a burning time every time I see one of these ****wits staggering around under the weight of too much AquaNet and Ye Olde Booke of Shad0wz0rz that she keeps in her Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, frantically searching for another spell to make Bobby the Quarterback recognize her special need to give him head.

The second type of Wiccan that I hate so much is truly hideous. This one is the Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex. Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex is a whole lotta woman. Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex loves the skyclad dancing and mutters incessantly about the Divine Feminine.

Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex has to mutter incessantly about the Divine Feminine, because her vagina must somehow be special as compared to the rest of us that never really worried about whether or not our vaginas were divine. Without her Special Vagina, Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex will not be able to attract skinny, acne-scarred Wiccan boys and lure them away from their twelve-sided dice and mail-order QVC katana stroking. And if Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex can't do that, then Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex can't get laid. How will Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex celebrate her Divine-Vagina-Havingness if she can't get some sweaty potato-chip-crumb-covered Tantric porking?

Never fear, though, because Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex is also probably bisexual, as that gives her more opportunity to engage in sexual encounters. Also, being part-lesbo is in this season.

And woe unto Zion if two Fat Wiccan Goths in Spandex meet and decide to have some lovin.' The stench of Doritos and long-forgotten vegetable-matter playthings wafting from the collective vag in the waterbed will be enough to drive all of the neighbors screaming from the area.

Poor neighbors.

Poor me, for having had that mental image.

And poor you, for having me subject you to what goes on in my brain. THIS is the true crime of Wicca. Wicca makes me think of rotten vegetable vagina. It is a menace to society indeed.

If you have nightmares because of this vegetable problem, I might be sorry. But probably not.

You're welcome, anyway.

In conclusion, Wiccans make me completely lose my ****. If you are Wiccan and you are reading this, do us all a favor and burn yourself at the stake so I don't have to think about you existing on the same planet I do.

I'll even supply the lighter fluid and spring for those more-expensive strike-anywhere matches, just to make sure it catches good and hot.

Thank you and good night!

Chris

Jun 16th, 2008 - 12:14 PM

Re: Why I Hate Wiccans

Weeeeeeeell! It's just so nice to see all the haters gathered in one spot! Now stay here and leave the rest of us alone!!

And for the record I'm not Wiccan. But there is a connective knot that seems to bind you all. "I hate stupid people or people that spew stupid or false info." Very well. I have over a hundred fifty IQ I guess that give me the right to hate most people here if not all!!!!

gypsy

Sep 28th, 2008 - 8:04 PM

Re: Why I Hate Wiccans

wow what is with the stress everyone? Why don't you haters pick up a book of Wicca, read it and realise what good we do for the Earth? We do not mourn about the past... we look into the future and that is all that is important to us. We do not hate christians, as they did wat they thought was the right thing to do in the dark ages... we are peaceful living people that believe in harmony with nature. As our rede says, an it harm none do what ye will. We do not harm you, and i do not understand why people can build up so much hate for our religion.

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Onyx Nightmare Sep 23, 07 - 9:42 PM	Why I Hate Wiccans I found this online here: http://lilzombie.blogspot.com/2006/07/things-zombie-hates-thursday_20.html It states my feelings on Wicca very well My hate for Wiccans is made of a pure, white light that shines forth from the very essence of my being. I don't just hate Wiccans because they are irrational theists. Irrational theists bug me, but as long as they keep their irrational theism to themselves, I am generally fine. After all, there are a lot more irrational theists wandering around than there are those of us that are happily godless, and as we are one of the most hated philosophies on the planet, we must sometimes just move along and ignore the stupid lest it overtake us completely and we be washed away on a tide of idiocy and retardation. No, I hate Wiccans because of their tendency to smug self-righteous indignation and rigorous clinginess to ridiculous **. You see, your average Wiccan isn't very bright. Your average Wiccan is convinced that his or her religion is ancient and that it has Been Around Since the Dawn of Time Itself. Your average Wiccan traipses around yammering about the Goddess (and any goddess will do - Kali, Hecate, Isis, Diana - doesn't matter, just pick one that you think sounds sexy and roll with it) and brandishing a hubcap-sized pentacle. Your average Wiccan was bored of Christianity and wanted to rebel against society but was too scared to try devil worship. Your average Wiccan shrills about Merry Meet and Merry Part and Bright Blessings and White Light and other such nonsense. Bad things do not exist to the average Wiccan. The average Wiccan only does good "magic" or "magick" or "majick" or "majik" or "majgisodgsda" or however we're spelling it this week. There is no grey area. Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. Your average Wiccan thinks life is all cupcakes and sparklies. Your average Wiccan is delusional. But while your average Wiccan clutches desperately to this shady ideal of goodness, it also is desperately in love with the dark side, be it vampires (or vampyres or whampyres or whatever other stupid ) or Vader's version of the Force or playing an evil mage in AD&D. Your average Wiccan shops at the Hot Topic and gets its incense from the local Kroger. Your average Wiccan is all about compassion and love for Nature and Everything In It, but will not hesitate to attack you viciously if you dare disagree with them about anything. Your average Wiccan will also not hesitate to brand a Christian an idiot for his or her beliefs. Yes, belief in Jesus is SO *** CRAZY as compared to your belief in several thousand gods and goddesses belonging to several hundred different cultures and pantheons, not to mention your belief in faeries, dragons, ogres, elves and talking elk or whatever. Faeries = normal and rational. Guy that may or may not have lived 2,000 years ago = REALLY *** BIZARRE. There are two types of Wiccans that I hate most. The first can be called several things: Fluffy Bunny, White Lighter, Everloving Retard, Waldenbooks Witch, or, my favorite, Dances With Credit Cards. You all have seen Dances With Credit Cards. She's the one lounging about in the New Age section of Borders, wearing something suitably black and gothy, complete with Cleopatra-style eyeliner and henna-tattoo ankh. She's buying all the Silver Ravenwolf books she can carry, with Daddy’s credit card. At home, locked away in the solitude of her pink gingham bedroom (Mom and Dad won't let her paint her walls black, they are so lame and do not understand her unique individuality), she will write spells for love philtres and dark darky poetry about dark darky darkness. She hates Christianity, and all Christians are out to get her. If you poke her with a stick, or even just glance at her books casually, she will not hesitate to expostulate on the glories of Wicca, and the common misconceptions of this Goode and Ancient Crafte. Much like one of those toys on which you pull the string so that it spits out certain phrases, Dances With Credit Cards is programmed to say certain things, such as: "Male witches are not called warlocks!" "Christianity stole things from us!" "I swear to Gaia!" (Variations on this theme include, but are not limited to: "Oh my Goddess!" "Oh my Lord and Lady!" and "Oh my Gods!") "Wicca has been around since the dawn of time!" (Variations on this theme likewise include, but are not limited to: "I am a 65th generation Wiccan." and "I learned this Ye Olde Ancient Crafte from my great-grandmother’s diary. She was burnt at the stake in the Salem Witch Trials, for being a real witch. It’s genetic, you see.") "Who in Summerland is Gerald Gardner?" Website:** http://lilzombie.blogspot.com/2006/07/things-zombie-hates-thursday_20.html
Onyx Nightmare Sep 23rd, 2007 - 9:44 PM	Re: Why I Hate Wiccans PART 2 "REMEMBER THE BURNING TIMES!" I want to have a burning time every time I see one of these **wits staggering around under the weight of too much AquaNet and Ye Olde Booke of Shad0wz0rz that she keeps in her Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, frantically searching for another spell to make Bobby the Quarterback recognize her special need to give him head. The second type of Wiccan that I hate so much is truly hideous. This one is the Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex. Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex is a whole lotta woman. Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex loves the skyclad dancing and mutters incessantly about the Divine Feminine. Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex has to mutter incessantly about the Divine Feminine, because her vagina must somehow be special as compared to the rest of us that never really worried about whether or not our vaginas were divine. Without her Special Vagina, Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex will not be able to attract skinny, acne-scarred Wiccan boys and lure them away from their twelve-sided dice and mail-order QVC katana stroking. And if Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex can't do that, then Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex can't get laid. How will Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex celebrate her Divine-Vagina-Havingness if she can't get some sweaty potato-chip-crumb-covered Tantric porking? Never fear, though, because Fat Wiccan Goth in Spandex is also probably bisexual, as that gives her more opportunity to engage in sexual encounters. Also, being part-lesbo is in this season. And woe unto Zion if two Fat Wiccan Goths in Spandex meet and decide to have some lovin.' The stench of Doritos and long-forgotten vegetable-matter playthings wafting from the collective vag in the waterbed will be enough to drive all of the neighbors screaming from the area. Poor neighbors. Poor me, for having had that mental image. And poor you, for having me subject you to what goes on in my brain. THIS is the true crime of Wicca. Wicca makes me think of rotten vegetable vagina. It is a menace to society indeed. If you have nightmares because of this vegetable problem, I might be sorry. But probably not. You're welcome, anyway. In conclusion, Wiccans make me completely lose my . If you are Wiccan and you are reading this, do us all a favor and burn yourself at the stake so I don't have to think about you existing on the same planet I do. I'll even supply the lighter fluid and spring for those more-expensive strike-anywhere matches, just to make sure it catches good and hot. Thank you and good night! Website:** http://lilzombie.blogspot.com/2006/07/things-zombie-hates-thursday_20.html
Chris Jun 16th, 2008 - 12:14 PM	Re: Why I Hate Wiccans Weeeeeeeell! It's just so nice to see all the haters gathered in one spot! Now stay here and leave the rest of us alone!! And for the record I'm not Wiccan. But there is a connective knot that seems to bind you all. "I hate stupid people or people that spew stupid or false info." Very well. I have over a hundred fifty IQ I guess that give me the right to hate most people here if not all!!!!
gypsy Sep 28th, 2008 - 8:04 PM	Re: Why I Hate Wiccans wow what is with the stress everyone? Why don't you haters pick up a book of Wicca, read it and realise what good we do for the Earth? We do not mourn about the past... we look into the future and that is all that is important to us. We do not hate christians, as they did wat they thought was the right thing to do in the dark ages... we are peaceful living people that believe in harmony with nature. As our rede says, an it harm none do what ye will. We do not harm you, and i do not understand why people can build up so much hate for our religion.